11/20
A perfect moment
Of truthful agility
Catalyst of work
Monday, November 21, 2011
Jen & Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
11/19/11
Jen ran so well in terms of where she stands in the season plan. It was just nice to watch. As if by getting splits and cheering on I was somehow part of her powerful sprinting strides. Two hundred meters of real determination from the strength of a body fully coordinated. It is great, those rarer moments, when you truly feel invigorated just jogging or standing as someone performs something really excellent. It is the shadow, the echo, the fragrance on a pillow of last nights lover now gone, of what it is to actually do something excellent.
Jen ran so well in terms of where she stands in the season plan. It was just nice to watch. As if by getting splits and cheering on I was somehow part of her powerful sprinting strides. Two hundred meters of real determination from the strength of a body fully coordinated. It is great, those rarer moments, when you truly feel invigorated just jogging or standing as someone performs something really excellent. It is the shadow, the echo, the fragrance on a pillow of last nights lover now gone, of what it is to actually do something excellent.
T.G.I.F.
11/18/11
A shitty day, made crappy by work. Sometimes an examination of what is being done is needed and then a decision is made. An answer to the little things, puppy like problems scratching at legs begging for scraps of dignity and patience, is an acknowledgment of the bigger things. Focus on what you want. At home finally and Jen turns to me saying, “So what do you want to do, right now?”
So I say, “Right now? Like right this instant? I want to run, let’s just get out the door and run.” And, after a quick change of clothes and spirits, we slam down a double shot of Vodka to be out the door one run being done together.
A shitty day, made crappy by work. Sometimes an examination of what is being done is needed and then a decision is made. An answer to the little things, puppy like problems scratching at legs begging for scraps of dignity and patience, is an acknowledgment of the bigger things. Focus on what you want. At home finally and Jen turns to me saying, “So what do you want to do, right now?”
So I say, “Right now? Like right this instant? I want to run, let’s just get out the door and run.” And, after a quick change of clothes and spirits, we slam down a double shot of Vodka to be out the door one run being done together.
Working it out
11/17/11
Sun, not really but there was something bright to the run. The freedom of the run breaking up the workday with the ease of a held in fart in front of company that are all of a sudden gone, leaving you to let one rip. The run just slips into the day, seamlessly aligning my inner work of reading and responding with a physical exertion. A certain balancing of mind and body allows relaxation and better work performance. Maybe there is something to that, HR should examine.
Sun, not really but there was something bright to the run. The freedom of the run breaking up the workday with the ease of a held in fart in front of company that are all of a sudden gone, leaving you to let one rip. The run just slips into the day, seamlessly aligning my inner work of reading and responding with a physical exertion. A certain balancing of mind and body allows relaxation and better work performance. Maybe there is something to that, HR should examine.
Talent Pageant
11/16/11
What a wet day. The day’s responsibilities washed over me with almost 100 emails, dozens of phone calls, a number of faxes and so much filing. The rushing past was strong but exasperated by my lack of skill at handling such rough terrain. Just like in running when you change to a new type of race or set of work outs. At first, it seems so much, but after a few tries you acclimate and start to see success. Today’s work load is heavy but I will acclimate to that kind of super busy day just as any athlete acclimates to new workouts. It just takes effort, time and rest. How much of each is when talent comes in as a factor.
What a wet day. The day’s responsibilities washed over me with almost 100 emails, dozens of phone calls, a number of faxes and so much filing. The rushing past was strong but exasperated by my lack of skill at handling such rough terrain. Just like in running when you change to a new type of race or set of work outs. At first, it seems so much, but after a few tries you acclimate and start to see success. Today’s work load is heavy but I will acclimate to that kind of super busy day just as any athlete acclimates to new workouts. It just takes effort, time and rest. How much of each is when talent comes in as a factor.
Wooden Soldier
11/15/11
A struggle through limbs made of wood but not part of trees. A bout of running, that brought about a certain disdain for the activity. A disgusting performance, magnified by expectations lost. However, finishing the workout strong, as well as the subsequent repetitions made for at least a somewhat decent showing. Regardless, a day is done and gone, leaving two runners to think about the next day, the next run.
A struggle through limbs made of wood but not part of trees. A bout of running, that brought about a certain disdain for the activity. A disgusting performance, magnified by expectations lost. However, finishing the workout strong, as well as the subsequent repetitions made for at least a somewhat decent showing. Regardless, a day is done and gone, leaving two runners to think about the next day, the next run.
Be all you can be
11/14/11
Thirty years old today. Seems funny in some ways and perfectly normal in others; regardless I am 30. It feels good as Jen and I take an easy run. As if my legs are just starting to know they are magnificent tools of streamlined genetics allowing a self determined achievement within the limits of their genetics. I feel good, and in some ways proud. Proud that I am still at, faster and stronger, trying to run my best. Not some overshadowing pride seeking to overcome all those around, but rather a type of code of conduct for myself. I want to run great, I mean great. How great is up to me and I like to test my curiosity. I think right now, finally I understand it, I wont say I haven’t given a shit about all the races and PR’s and stuff, no, I will say that crap mattered but not an iota compared to what I am about to say. I always thought it but until right now I guess I never really knew it. I want see what I can do if I achieve the best I can be.
Thirty years old today. Seems funny in some ways and perfectly normal in others; regardless I am 30. It feels good as Jen and I take an easy run. As if my legs are just starting to know they are magnificent tools of streamlined genetics allowing a self determined achievement within the limits of their genetics. I feel good, and in some ways proud. Proud that I am still at, faster and stronger, trying to run my best. Not some overshadowing pride seeking to overcome all those around, but rather a type of code of conduct for myself. I want to run great, I mean great. How great is up to me and I like to test my curiosity. I think right now, finally I understand it, I wont say I haven’t given a shit about all the races and PR’s and stuff, no, I will say that crap mattered but not an iota compared to what I am about to say. I always thought it but until right now I guess I never really knew it. I want see what I can do if I achieve the best I can be.
Shoe Shine
11/13/11
I love my running shoes. I know this sounds weird but I really love them. And by almost anyone’s standards beside mine they are complete shit. I did the last 17.2 mile of my brother’s marathon in a pair of kicks that showed a few little piggys and have the tread removed in a way reminiscent of a sedimentary stone cut in a grooved manner to show different layering.
Another pair I adore is in the start of its’ 7th year of treading ground. Nor am I a sole brand wearer. New Balance, Pearl Izumi, Mizuno, Adidas, Reebok, Asics and others have been the buffer for my foot from the ground. The real unique thing between all the shoes worn is I always pick one that has no plastic in the sole, so that the foot strike can work itself into the shoe rather then the shoe working itself into the foot strike. This trend I have of wearing shoes until they have nothing left, I have worn the tread away so what is left is just some sort of tough sack encasing my foot, is now becoming popular in a slightly different way.
The new five-fingered shoes or “foot gloves” as I prefer, demonstrate what I have been doing all along. This shoe essentially says that as long as the foot is protected from the ground then minimal is the way to go. I just get a shoe and work out the minimalist design best suited for my foot in the way that wind makes out the design of a desert rock; through time and striking. The way, and how often, the wind strikes the monolithic up cropping literally makes the rock’s shape. When I run, I wear down the tread the way my foot desires by treading away the excess. It is no surprise that this is a trend now because I have always been a little ahead of the times….. running pun intended
I love my running shoes. I know this sounds weird but I really love them. And by almost anyone’s standards beside mine they are complete shit. I did the last 17.2 mile of my brother’s marathon in a pair of kicks that showed a few little piggys and have the tread removed in a way reminiscent of a sedimentary stone cut in a grooved manner to show different layering.
Another pair I adore is in the start of its’ 7th year of treading ground. Nor am I a sole brand wearer. New Balance, Pearl Izumi, Mizuno, Adidas, Reebok, Asics and others have been the buffer for my foot from the ground. The real unique thing between all the shoes worn is I always pick one that has no plastic in the sole, so that the foot strike can work itself into the shoe rather then the shoe working itself into the foot strike. This trend I have of wearing shoes until they have nothing left, I have worn the tread away so what is left is just some sort of tough sack encasing my foot, is now becoming popular in a slightly different way.
The new five-fingered shoes or “foot gloves” as I prefer, demonstrate what I have been doing all along. This shoe essentially says that as long as the foot is protected from the ground then minimal is the way to go. I just get a shoe and work out the minimalist design best suited for my foot in the way that wind makes out the design of a desert rock; through time and striking. The way, and how often, the wind strikes the monolithic up cropping literally makes the rock’s shape. When I run, I wear down the tread the way my foot desires by treading away the excess. It is no surprise that this is a trend now because I have always been a little ahead of the times….. running pun intended
Always wear sunscreen
11/12/11
Have you ever heard of the bit called “Always wear sun screen”? It is a toast to the class of 1999, and I can’t recall who it is by but if you search online it will come up. I urge you to listen, in a crass way you could say it is the summation of a lot of fortune cookies, but it struck me tonight. Jen and I had just returned from a run and my brother Doug had it playing in the background as he was sitting at the kitchen table. I asked him to start it over and the words captivated me. I want to take that feeling and add to his bit; Run. Run because of the swell of joy it can bring.
Have you ever heard of the bit called “Always wear sun screen”? It is a toast to the class of 1999, and I can’t recall who it is by but if you search online it will come up. I urge you to listen, in a crass way you could say it is the summation of a lot of fortune cookies, but it struck me tonight. Jen and I had just returned from a run and my brother Doug had it playing in the background as he was sitting at the kitchen table. I asked him to start it over and the words captivated me. I want to take that feeling and add to his bit; Run. Run because of the swell of joy it can bring.
A past calling
11/11/11
Waking up and the slightest movement sends uncontrollable wiggles from muscle pain. The day before extends a hand of fatigue, through 18hours seven of which were fast asleep, as a reminder of yesterday’s workout. This of course stays close, all day, grasping muscles in the tight reminder of meters covered. Something so great comes from that feeling, something in the near future. What envelops the pain that stays inside all day is the super-compensation of increased fitness. Next time the soreness might be as bad but the times during the run will be quicker.
Waking up and the slightest movement sends uncontrollable wiggles from muscle pain. The day before extends a hand of fatigue, through 18hours seven of which were fast asleep, as a reminder of yesterday’s workout. This of course stays close, all day, grasping muscles in the tight reminder of meters covered. Something so great comes from that feeling, something in the near future. What envelops the pain that stays inside all day is the super-compensation of increased fitness. Next time the soreness might be as bad but the times during the run will be quicker.
Middle Mania
11/10/11
That middle part, where the legs get all rubbery right before funk and junk start to mix into cramps hampering turnover. That’s where it hits, right there in the middle, an all too real thought of giving up. This sort of ridiculous idea of stopping is an almost ironic response to the forceful drive of getting over that finish line. Regardless, it comes, and being aware of it is a good thing. Being able to prepare for that hit of false steps allows a pushing through of doubt and right into striking distance of the finish.
That middle part, where the legs get all rubbery right before funk and junk start to mix into cramps hampering turnover. That’s where it hits, right there in the middle, an all too real thought of giving up. This sort of ridiculous idea of stopping is an almost ironic response to the forceful drive of getting over that finish line. Regardless, it comes, and being aware of it is a good thing. Being able to prepare for that hit of false steps allows a pushing through of doubt and right into striking distance of the finish.
Summer days
11/9/11
It must have been 70, or at least high 60’s. A seasonably warm day by any New England standard for early November and yet hiding in the woods were pancake like mounds of snow. These dirt, stone and tree part riddled piles of churned ice spoke of the remarkable change in recent weather. Today it was a pair of shorts and a tight synthetic top. Colin led the familiar route taken during a ‘lunch break run’. It was filled with bs’n and moments of work. Just kind of care free and easy going; it was a real treat. Even through winter’s footsteps are marching up the front steps today the knock on the door was summer.
It must have been 70, or at least high 60’s. A seasonably warm day by any New England standard for early November and yet hiding in the woods were pancake like mounds of snow. These dirt, stone and tree part riddled piles of churned ice spoke of the remarkable change in recent weather. Today it was a pair of shorts and a tight synthetic top. Colin led the familiar route taken during a ‘lunch break run’. It was filled with bs’n and moments of work. Just kind of care free and easy going; it was a real treat. Even through winter’s footsteps are marching up the front steps today the knock on the door was summer.
Breathe it on in
11/8/11
The air felt so good during tonight’s run. As on the days when you have no water and are so parched but then you get that drink leaving you refreshed. Well maybe it was more like the days you are sipping cool water replenishing hydration slowly whilst stretching or lounging in the shade. Yeah that is more like it, a slow sort of comfortable constant indulgence. The air, just to breathe it in was so invigorating. The run was figuratively and literally a breath of fresh air.
The air felt so good during tonight’s run. As on the days when you have no water and are so parched but then you get that drink leaving you refreshed. Well maybe it was more like the days you are sipping cool water replenishing hydration slowly whilst stretching or lounging in the shade. Yeah that is more like it, a slow sort of comfortable constant indulgence. The air, just to breathe it in was so invigorating. The run was figuratively and literally a breath of fresh air.
He/she/they/my/mine/ours/we/I/etc……
11/7/11
Skipping out at lunch, under-armor wicking away sweat with shorts flashing legs made white from a lack of sun. The road is there with its cold asphalt ready to shoulder the load being disbursed. A true magnitude brought from lungs heaving heavy gasps of air, billows that drive a train. A locomotive traveling down invisible tracks loosely guided by white lines painted on the road. Purposeless would be the farthest from the truth. So methodical is the approach that being privy to the knowledge driving the workout no doubt would be left on the question of why it was being done in the way it was being done. Culminating with a suppression of bowels and a sense of self-satisfaction swimming as a fish in the nausea gripping like the cold wet hands of a swimmer fresh from the ocean placed on skin while tanning in the summer’s sun.
Skipping out at lunch, under-armor wicking away sweat with shorts flashing legs made white from a lack of sun. The road is there with its cold asphalt ready to shoulder the load being disbursed. A true magnitude brought from lungs heaving heavy gasps of air, billows that drive a train. A locomotive traveling down invisible tracks loosely guided by white lines painted on the road. Purposeless would be the farthest from the truth. So methodical is the approach that being privy to the knowledge driving the workout no doubt would be left on the question of why it was being done in the way it was being done. Culminating with a suppression of bowels and a sense of self-satisfaction swimming as a fish in the nausea gripping like the cold wet hands of a swimmer fresh from the ocean placed on skin while tanning in the summer’s sun.
Front Row Seats
11/6/11
There is something iconic about a certain type of day when it comes to cross country races. A mixing of sunshine and brief bits of wind meeting a course made muddy from days prior. Also a definite coolness, not coldness, to the air but not so much contestants would race in anything besides a pair of shorts and a singlet. There is a smell of the dirt; the muddiness ground up here and there from races run prior and warms ups conducted almost endlessly. There are of course spectators watching but some are like me and are not just friends or families, gathering to support a loved one. No, if you are one that knows, then you also feel the great anticipation as all these runners ambling, jogging, drinking water, going to the bathroom for the third or fourth time and all the other things that go on before one races are gathering themselves. They are gathering all that they have for some great effort and if you are at one of these iconic cross country races for the first time and you feel that vibe of men & women putting it all out there well let me tell you, one hell of a show is about to happen.
There is something iconic about a certain type of day when it comes to cross country races. A mixing of sunshine and brief bits of wind meeting a course made muddy from days prior. Also a definite coolness, not coldness, to the air but not so much contestants would race in anything besides a pair of shorts and a singlet. There is a smell of the dirt; the muddiness ground up here and there from races run prior and warms ups conducted almost endlessly. There are of course spectators watching but some are like me and are not just friends or families, gathering to support a loved one. No, if you are one that knows, then you also feel the great anticipation as all these runners ambling, jogging, drinking water, going to the bathroom for the third or fourth time and all the other things that go on before one races are gathering themselves. They are gathering all that they have for some great effort and if you are at one of these iconic cross country races for the first time and you feel that vibe of men & women putting it all out there well let me tell you, one hell of a show is about to happen.
I am the Alpha and the Omega
11/5/11
Franklin Park is less then ten miles from where Jen and I live. It is the stage for a zoo, scenic trails that are often dotted with a walker toting alongside man’s best-friend and is also notorious in our community of runners as the backdrop to immortalized cross-country battles. It is funny, running around the park in the late fall evening, how we take for granted that the greatest runners out there share courses and tracks with amateurs and beginners. In football no middle school child will every play a football game with his peers on a NFL field. However, in running, we sometimes forgot that at any time we so well please (barring travel complications) we can step onto any of the historic marathon courses were some of the best runners ever have run. Today, cantering along these hallowed paths, I am struck by participation with people from the best caliber to the most beginner novice.
Franklin Park is less then ten miles from where Jen and I live. It is the stage for a zoo, scenic trails that are often dotted with a walker toting alongside man’s best-friend and is also notorious in our community of runners as the backdrop to immortalized cross-country battles. It is funny, running around the park in the late fall evening, how we take for granted that the greatest runners out there share courses and tracks with amateurs and beginners. In football no middle school child will every play a football game with his peers on a NFL field. However, in running, we sometimes forgot that at any time we so well please (barring travel complications) we can step onto any of the historic marathon courses were some of the best runners ever have run. Today, cantering along these hallowed paths, I am struck by participation with people from the best caliber to the most beginner novice.
Darknewness
11/3/11
Jen leads the way through the dark. Down fresh sidewalks all concrete with a grey constant blend spattered with a blue hue that comes more often when the cement is still young. The road is sparsely spread with a smattering of light posts breaking the dark up with the ease of a lighthouse except instead of swinging round 360 degrees these cut up the darkness of the run with some sort of regular interval only due to the ground being covered. Ground covered as Jen continues heading down this clean slate run, something truly new because I have not been this way before. As it unfolds with the ease of a lawn-chair on a sunny day due a tan this way Jen leads opens up its own treasure of simplicity in the suburbia of Boston.
Jen leads the way through the dark. Down fresh sidewalks all concrete with a grey constant blend spattered with a blue hue that comes more often when the cement is still young. The road is sparsely spread with a smattering of light posts breaking the dark up with the ease of a lighthouse except instead of swinging round 360 degrees these cut up the darkness of the run with some sort of regular interval only due to the ground being covered. Ground covered as Jen continues heading down this clean slate run, something truly new because I have not been this way before. As it unfolds with the ease of a lawn-chair on a sunny day due a tan this way Jen leads opens up its own treasure of simplicity in the suburbia of Boston.
We Sprinted 200’s
11/2/11
We repeated the workout of a week prior that was made more difficult this week due to not a change in Intensity or repetitions but rather to the finicky friend of weather. A friend that even when it does not bring ideal conditions always brings the reminder of gratitude. Today the day was just very cold, with ice on portions of the track leaving two athletes un-acclimated to handle this new factor. However, even when the sky is hurling hail, ground slick with ice or a 100 degree heat wave draped in the sticky cloak of humidity there is still that calling. “Remember,” Says our companion weather, “that the worst of me is to just a reminder to appreciate my more salient aspects all that more.”
We repeated the workout of a week prior that was made more difficult this week due to not a change in Intensity or repetitions but rather to the finicky friend of weather. A friend that even when it does not bring ideal conditions always brings the reminder of gratitude. Today the day was just very cold, with ice on portions of the track leaving two athletes un-acclimated to handle this new factor. However, even when the sky is hurling hail, ground slick with ice or a 100 degree heat wave draped in the sticky cloak of humidity there is still that calling. “Remember,” Says our companion weather, “that the worst of me is to just a reminder to appreciate my more salient aspects all that more.”
And…
11/1/11
The run has happened and flattened and patterned me with its memory. The run has shed and led and fed bringing out strength and vitality and truth and honesty. The run is questioning and wondering and wistful. The run can be great and horrible and awesome and dreadful. The run was and is and will be what you have brought and are bringing and can ever bring. The run is me and I am the run and if you are the run and so am I then you and I are one and yet so different and all the paradoxes and similarities that can be derived from that statement.
The run has happened and flattened and patterned me with its memory. The run has shed and led and fed bringing out strength and vitality and truth and honesty. The run is questioning and wondering and wistful. The run can be great and horrible and awesome and dreadful. The run was and is and will be what you have brought and are bringing and can ever bring. The run is me and I am the run and if you are the run and so am I then you and I are one and yet so different and all the paradoxes and similarities that can be derived from that statement.
Understanding & Endurance
10/31/11
Punching it with true might. A knee to the head. Backing up, then charging to grapple against each other locked in an effort of understanding and endurance. Sometimes it throws you against the ground and takes it all laughing at you saying, “Is that all? Is that all you have! HA!”
It owned you. But maybe that is a mistake. Other times it can be different, it can be compassionate. It is still an effort of understanding and endurance, but it is not a fight. Instead, you are met with compassion. This time you are told, “Yes it is hard, but if you use your head then you can do it, and how well is up to you!” I guess it is up to the runner to figure out their hard runs.
Punching it with true might. A knee to the head. Backing up, then charging to grapple against each other locked in an effort of understanding and endurance. Sometimes it throws you against the ground and takes it all laughing at you saying, “Is that all? Is that all you have! HA!”
It owned you. But maybe that is a mistake. Other times it can be different, it can be compassionate. It is still an effort of understanding and endurance, but it is not a fight. Instead, you are met with compassion. This time you are told, “Yes it is hard, but if you use your head then you can do it, and how well is up to you!” I guess it is up to the runner to figure out their hard runs.
Doug Deep
My brother, Doug Dagan, is accomplished. From trekking across a Costa Rican rain forest to attending a United Nations conference on climate change with diplomatic status; he is a worldly traveler. He is also a graduate of the esteemed Middlebury College, taught Chemistry/Physics at two different private schools and is now studying Environmental Law at Vermont Law. Oh yeah, and while gaining a law degree at VLS he is going to Yale Grad school too.
He is gifted in many ways; intelligent, articulate, kind and strong. But his best blessing is his determination. As much as he was given it was his determination, which sometimes can mask itself as stubbornness, which allowed all those accomplishments. He was determined on his goals, clear and set.
So when my big brother came to me and said, “I want to run a marathon”, I said something to the effect of yeah you can definitely do that. For me, it was as matter of fact as an afterthought, implicit in its nature. Similar to questions such as do you like butter or how nice is the smell of fresh cut grass. Cliché basic answers to the good things in life and the possible things too. I knew that despite his trepidation, which barely echoed in his words when he talked about the endeavor, he could do it if he set his mind to do it.
It is noteworthy to respect the fact that my brother is a bear of a man. The solid oak legs ripple with grace when he regularly works out but in no way is he slender. To paint a picture: a few Thanksgivings ago my brother, laughing at how small I was (155 lbs), grabbed me under the ribcage to throw and catch me in the air a few times. He actually laughed while doing it! Needless to say my brother does not have a ‘runners build’.
When the race came my brother met the bleak day nervously. Shaking it off, he came to mile six smiling at a mix of relations; brothers, sisters and niece. Getting excited, he kind of dances back and forth, pointing his thumbs to himself saying, “You know why my legs hurt? From kicking so much ASS!!!!” Laughing and cheering he is urged on.
Still chuckling I hop in; joining my brother in support and with a backpack stashed with a couple supplies. We trek onwards with good spirits for the next few miles. There is a light hearted bantering that ensues, at one point my brother locks onto a female’s derrière as a sort of towing vehicle. However, somewhere around half-way it gets serious. There comes a look of fear as a huge splash of doubt sweeps through his tired face; there is a cut-off time at mile 20 and my brother is scared now that he won’t be there in time.
With words as my whip, I break him into a 30 sec run 30 sec jog/shamble. Rep after rep, I urge him on, as he pants away leaving a small stream of sweat. We would talk, but most of the time there was a sense of nonsensical even when he was asking for something he needed. At one point chaffing sets in and I am off through the hundreds of athletes spread around us, begging runners for Vaseline or Body Glide. Finding the latter I head back to him, as he sloppily swipes it under his raw arm pits. Later, I search for an anti-inflammatory. All the while coming back, for another 30 sec on or 30 sec off depending what was due. And so the next seven laborious miles passed for Doug.
The bridge approached in due course and a real sense of relief could be felt as we passed its’ threshold. A sort of fun came back into the race. The next six miles we partook in eating doughnuts, having gummy bears and even drinking beer. He finished the Marathon in 6:38:58 and 20,778 out 21,023 finishers (not starters) which in terms of running isn’t stellar time, but to me it was an awesome journey and an amazing feat for Doug.
My small part was completely of giving of myself to my brother. If you don’t already, you should know he had to give of himself too, and in far more a difficult way. He dug deep and found something inside himself he was unsure existed; a person who could do a marathon. Later he would say he couldn’t have made it with out me, and I don’t know if that’s true or not. What is true is he couldn’t have made it without himself, because when he dug deep his search found nothing less than new boundaries to his soul, and that which he gave of himself was the limits he had set on that beautiful spirit.
-
He is gifted in many ways; intelligent, articulate, kind and strong. But his best blessing is his determination. As much as he was given it was his determination, which sometimes can mask itself as stubbornness, which allowed all those accomplishments. He was determined on his goals, clear and set.
So when my big brother came to me and said, “I want to run a marathon”, I said something to the effect of yeah you can definitely do that. For me, it was as matter of fact as an afterthought, implicit in its nature. Similar to questions such as do you like butter or how nice is the smell of fresh cut grass. Cliché basic answers to the good things in life and the possible things too. I knew that despite his trepidation, which barely echoed in his words when he talked about the endeavor, he could do it if he set his mind to do it.
It is noteworthy to respect the fact that my brother is a bear of a man. The solid oak legs ripple with grace when he regularly works out but in no way is he slender. To paint a picture: a few Thanksgivings ago my brother, laughing at how small I was (155 lbs), grabbed me under the ribcage to throw and catch me in the air a few times. He actually laughed while doing it! Needless to say my brother does not have a ‘runners build’.
When the race came my brother met the bleak day nervously. Shaking it off, he came to mile six smiling at a mix of relations; brothers, sisters and niece. Getting excited, he kind of dances back and forth, pointing his thumbs to himself saying, “You know why my legs hurt? From kicking so much ASS!!!!” Laughing and cheering he is urged on.
Still chuckling I hop in; joining my brother in support and with a backpack stashed with a couple supplies. We trek onwards with good spirits for the next few miles. There is a light hearted bantering that ensues, at one point my brother locks onto a female’s derrière as a sort of towing vehicle. However, somewhere around half-way it gets serious. There comes a look of fear as a huge splash of doubt sweeps through his tired face; there is a cut-off time at mile 20 and my brother is scared now that he won’t be there in time.
With words as my whip, I break him into a 30 sec run 30 sec jog/shamble. Rep after rep, I urge him on, as he pants away leaving a small stream of sweat. We would talk, but most of the time there was a sense of nonsensical even when he was asking for something he needed. At one point chaffing sets in and I am off through the hundreds of athletes spread around us, begging runners for Vaseline or Body Glide. Finding the latter I head back to him, as he sloppily swipes it under his raw arm pits. Later, I search for an anti-inflammatory. All the while coming back, for another 30 sec on or 30 sec off depending what was due. And so the next seven laborious miles passed for Doug.
The bridge approached in due course and a real sense of relief could be felt as we passed its’ threshold. A sort of fun came back into the race. The next six miles we partook in eating doughnuts, having gummy bears and even drinking beer. He finished the Marathon in 6:38:58 and 20,778 out 21,023 finishers (not starters) which in terms of running isn’t stellar time, but to me it was an awesome journey and an amazing feat for Doug.
My small part was completely of giving of myself to my brother. If you don’t already, you should know he had to give of himself too, and in far more a difficult way. He dug deep and found something inside himself he was unsure existed; a person who could do a marathon. Later he would say he couldn’t have made it with out me, and I don’t know if that’s true or not. What is true is he couldn’t have made it without himself, because when he dug deep his search found nothing less than new boundaries to his soul, and that which he gave of himself was the limits he had set on that beautiful spirit.
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Horse Shoes & Hand Grenades
10/29/11
I almost won. I almost ran. I almost woke up for practice. I almost did go to the track. I almost trained. I almost gave it my all. I almost took more pain. I almost didn’t quit. I almost can have the past back. I almost can do over what I can’t. I almost could do it again. I almost don’t care. I almost gave up. I almost didn’t try again. I almost forgot. I almost lost it all. Almost doesn’t count, what does is what I do now.
I almost won. I almost ran. I almost woke up for practice. I almost did go to the track. I almost trained. I almost gave it my all. I almost took more pain. I almost didn’t quit. I almost can have the past back. I almost can do over what I can’t. I almost could do it again. I almost don’t care. I almost gave up. I almost didn’t try again. I almost forgot. I almost lost it all. Almost doesn’t count, what does is what I do now.
Three’s Company
10/28/11
Jen and I get to run together all the time. However, besides occasionally when we might be bickering, I always find myself so grateful to run together. This is something we both fell in love with on our own, before we ever met. A mutual friend that we shared something with but whom never told us of each other, so that when Jen and I finally met we were surprised. “How could the Run have never told us about each other, I thought I knew the Run so well.” We used to remark to each other. So now, we feel like we want to catch up with this friend together and so each outing is a time with a friend who knows us better then we know each other.
Jen and I get to run together all the time. However, besides occasionally when we might be bickering, I always find myself so grateful to run together. This is something we both fell in love with on our own, before we ever met. A mutual friend that we shared something with but whom never told us of each other, so that when Jen and I finally met we were surprised. “How could the Run have never told us about each other, I thought I knew the Run so well.” We used to remark to each other. So now, we feel like we want to catch up with this friend together and so each outing is a time with a friend who knows us better then we know each other.
Between a rock and a hard place
10/27/11
After time and with pressure comes a diamond. A lifetime for that little piece of rock spans so much longer then humans but still makes for a good analogy. The great thing for us, unlike the rocks that don’t choose what molds them, we often get a major part in the pressures we expose to ourselves. This is exemplified in running. Even being on a team doesn’t bind you completely. We choose how we pick up our feet and then put them down. The speed, the variety, the duration, the way is up to us. What kind of diamond do you want?
After time and with pressure comes a diamond. A lifetime for that little piece of rock spans so much longer then humans but still makes for a good analogy. The great thing for us, unlike the rocks that don’t choose what molds them, we often get a major part in the pressures we expose to ourselves. This is exemplified in running. Even being on a team doesn’t bind you completely. We choose how we pick up our feet and then put them down. The speed, the variety, the duration, the way is up to us. What kind of diamond do you want?
200’s
10/26/11
It was our first workout of this kind in a long time. The last time we ran this intensity was this past winter. This made it certainly a ‘feeling out’ day. The all out sprinting base we have laid over the last 10 weeks or so is going to start a journey towards endurance. This starts today was embark on three reps of 200meter sprints. The workout is administered as last 200 all out, the second to last holding back just a little bit, and the first as a 95% intensity. This type of workout will start the process towards speed endurance as we aim to race the 400 for the majority of the indoor season and just at the end taper out to the 800 and possibly a couple of 1500’s. It is funny, for so long we mastered a different intensity, a sort of relaxed assault of fluidity that was at the same time aggressive. Today it almost felt disconnected and this was to be expected. There is always the weeks of adjustment but then comes the weeks of achievement.
It was our first workout of this kind in a long time. The last time we ran this intensity was this past winter. This made it certainly a ‘feeling out’ day. The all out sprinting base we have laid over the last 10 weeks or so is going to start a journey towards endurance. This starts today was embark on three reps of 200meter sprints. The workout is administered as last 200 all out, the second to last holding back just a little bit, and the first as a 95% intensity. This type of workout will start the process towards speed endurance as we aim to race the 400 for the majority of the indoor season and just at the end taper out to the 800 and possibly a couple of 1500’s. It is funny, for so long we mastered a different intensity, a sort of relaxed assault of fluidity that was at the same time aggressive. Today it almost felt disconnected and this was to be expected. There is always the weeks of adjustment but then comes the weeks of achievement.
Perspectives Paths
10/25/11
A lightness or a load. A burden or a bearing. A desire or a dread. A wish or a fear. A love or a hatred. A moment of glory or a moment of loathing. A chance to put it all out there in the most inspiring way and in a way that it is hard to imagine ever inspiring. All in all the run is many things, but more exact we are many things and the run just shares it with us.
A lightness or a load. A burden or a bearing. A desire or a dread. A wish or a fear. A love or a hatred. A moment of glory or a moment of loathing. A chance to put it all out there in the most inspiring way and in a way that it is hard to imagine ever inspiring. All in all the run is many things, but more exact we are many things and the run just shares it with us.
Track & Feeled
10/24/11
I love the anticipation of a workout. The way it can be sometimes. The feeling is not nervousness, at least in the conventional sense. This is more like Christmas or a wedding night for virgins. This is when you know you are going to kick some ass and the only question is how bad. A sort of lust for speed and watches; knowledge of times and distances covered. This is the passion for something meeting the completion of work necessary to stand in that “field” of passion. The feeling is singular, as are most moments of being part of something bigger than the moment.
I love the anticipation of a workout. The way it can be sometimes. The feeling is not nervousness, at least in the conventional sense. This is more like Christmas or a wedding night for virgins. This is when you know you are going to kick some ass and the only question is how bad. A sort of lust for speed and watches; knowledge of times and distances covered. This is the passion for something meeting the completion of work necessary to stand in that “field” of passion. The feeling is singular, as are most moments of being part of something bigger than the moment.
Nietchze’s Love
10/23/11
I wish on you a horrible run. I wish on you the gut wrenching agony of self-inflicted pain, hurling a meal eaten hours ago out of your intestine up through a stomach brimming with an almost neon yellow bile and purging itself from your mouth in the geyser of self wretchedness that comes from puking. I wish on you the worst race of your life. I wish on you the pain that can only come from letting yourself down when you don’t do the run you should do. I wish on you everything but true burnout. I wish these things not for always. I wish these things so you can know the depths of success through the true empathy of failure, disgust and self-loathing. In fact, in truth and in all honesty in the long run I wish on you nothing but the best!
I wish on you a horrible run. I wish on you the gut wrenching agony of self-inflicted pain, hurling a meal eaten hours ago out of your intestine up through a stomach brimming with an almost neon yellow bile and purging itself from your mouth in the geyser of self wretchedness that comes from puking. I wish on you the worst race of your life. I wish on you the pain that can only come from letting yourself down when you don’t do the run you should do. I wish on you everything but true burnout. I wish these things not for always. I wish these things so you can know the depths of success through the true empathy of failure, disgust and self-loathing. In fact, in truth and in all honesty in the long run I wish on you nothing but the best!
Always pushing up the hill searching for the thrill of it
10/22/11
The best argument made to take advantage of running when you can, while you still can, why you must take advantage of this wonderful present is simple. No one can use your body except you. It is one of the greatest gifts you can have so squander its splendor at a cost. If you run, with proper recovery in between runs, you will be healthier and in my experience happier. Run, run for the thrill of it.
The best argument made to take advantage of running when you can, while you still can, why you must take advantage of this wonderful present is simple. No one can use your body except you. It is one of the greatest gifts you can have so squander its splendor at a cost. If you run, with proper recovery in between runs, you will be healthier and in my experience happier. Run, run for the thrill of it.
Atlas
10/21/11
Has it ever happened, standing at the line on a track, road or green field that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? In the cold, heat, humidity, or assailing precipitation it is like the whole world rests across your back. A burden begging that if you get to perform the way you desire you will act a little more in accord with the world. I have experienced some sort of profound communication with the larger universe when waiting, heart and soul beating together, for the cue to begin. Call it narcissistic but there can be such a moment of singularity to the worldly experience when you toe the line seconds before the gun goes off.
Has it ever happened, standing at the line on a track, road or green field that you feel the weight of the world on your shoulders? In the cold, heat, humidity, or assailing precipitation it is like the whole world rests across your back. A burden begging that if you get to perform the way you desire you will act a little more in accord with the world. I have experienced some sort of profound communication with the larger universe when waiting, heart and soul beating together, for the cue to begin. Call it narcissistic but there can be such a moment of singularity to the worldly experience when you toe the line seconds before the gun goes off.
Runningreat
10/20/11
Sometimes I watch people run, people that really know what they are doing as they put one foot after the other. They have a rare relationship with their central nervous system, full of coordinated actions and true agility. By the way they move it is obvious they aren’t some amateur plugging away at their pace displaying full fledged intensity. No, they are definitely not flying by at a sustainable top notch speed. Rather it is the care-free way they move through controlled casual cantering calling to mind an icicle dripping, patiently but still growing through its drip-drip-drip of water. Water that is flowing and freezing around a pinnacle of transparent crystal adding to its girth with its patient liquid feed. As if through the ease of which they run they master themselves, growing greater stride by stride and like the icicle the world can see them grow right from their core.
Sometimes I watch people run, people that really know what they are doing as they put one foot after the other. They have a rare relationship with their central nervous system, full of coordinated actions and true agility. By the way they move it is obvious they aren’t some amateur plugging away at their pace displaying full fledged intensity. No, they are definitely not flying by at a sustainable top notch speed. Rather it is the care-free way they move through controlled casual cantering calling to mind an icicle dripping, patiently but still growing through its drip-drip-drip of water. Water that is flowing and freezing around a pinnacle of transparent crystal adding to its girth with its patient liquid feed. As if through the ease of which they run they master themselves, growing greater stride by stride and like the icicle the world can see them grow right from their core.
Running just as fast as you can
10/19/11
Today I ran faster then I have ever run before. It was a rainy cold day insinuating that we should count this lucky because of what was around the corner; winter. Getting to the track in the dark, there was already a lot of perseverance mustering just delivering our asses to the workout. However, once there it was 100% game time. The warm up was text-book with 15 minutes of easy running followed by some dynamic stretches finishing with three short quick strides but wearing a rain weather running jacket that eventually was soaked by the consistent precipitation of moderate intensity.
Hopping into the van, we strip off the wet tops and take a few minutes to put on spikes and rest before we start the actual work. By the time we get out of the van to start a quick jog to where we will begin our sprints, a good 35-40 minutes has already passed since our arrival. Choosing to use the wind to our advantage we jog further down the track to start our run into the flying 60 meter sprints about where the 100meter race does. Hand rises from side scooping gravity with giant tugs. Oblique’s swing quad down, fully driving foot off of the surface, leaping forward half the body steps the other half pushes. It was like I was flying.
Today I ran faster then I have ever run before. It was a rainy cold day insinuating that we should count this lucky because of what was around the corner; winter. Getting to the track in the dark, there was already a lot of perseverance mustering just delivering our asses to the workout. However, once there it was 100% game time. The warm up was text-book with 15 minutes of easy running followed by some dynamic stretches finishing with three short quick strides but wearing a rain weather running jacket that eventually was soaked by the consistent precipitation of moderate intensity.
Hopping into the van, we strip off the wet tops and take a few minutes to put on spikes and rest before we start the actual work. By the time we get out of the van to start a quick jog to where we will begin our sprints, a good 35-40 minutes has already passed since our arrival. Choosing to use the wind to our advantage we jog further down the track to start our run into the flying 60 meter sprints about where the 100meter race does. Hand rises from side scooping gravity with giant tugs. Oblique’s swing quad down, fully driving foot off of the surface, leaping forward half the body steps the other half pushes. It was like I was flying.
Trippin’ on the Fall
10/18/11
Rain is dropping down outside, suggestions slipping from eaves that hang down off the two floor house. A marked change of coolness in the dreary fall day wringing wistful thoughts of summer that is now well gone. A loss of something, a sort of “taken for granted” that is now known. The days are gone, for a while at least, where you can rocket out of your home in only minimum clothing.
Rain is dropping down outside, suggestions slipping from eaves that hang down off the two floor house. A marked change of coolness in the dreary fall day wringing wistful thoughts of summer that is now well gone. A loss of something, a sort of “taken for granted” that is now known. The days are gone, for a while at least, where you can rocket out of your home in only minimum clothing.
I wear my sunglasses at night
10/17/11
I ran in the dark. Night-time was full bloom, greeting a man on anything but a fool’s errand. As if a night run sheds light like the sun’s reflection from a car then off a window to slap your face with a light handed smoosh of bright potency. This leaves you to ask, “Where did that come from?”
The run in the night lets me shine because it is a way of understanding commitment. A way of saying how much you want to be, of all the varying genetic possibilities the one that encapsulates your specific profile, the best runner. A way to be true to what you love that which you hold dear, the idea of being what you want! The run today, leaves me to see everything as the way it should be.
I ran in the dark. Night-time was full bloom, greeting a man on anything but a fool’s errand. As if a night run sheds light like the sun’s reflection from a car then off a window to slap your face with a light handed smoosh of bright potency. This leaves you to ask, “Where did that come from?”
The run in the night lets me shine because it is a way of understanding commitment. A way of saying how much you want to be, of all the varying genetic possibilities the one that encapsulates your specific profile, the best runner. A way to be true to what you love that which you hold dear, the idea of being what you want! The run today, leaves me to see everything as the way it should be.
Driving Ms. Behavior
10/16/11
The drive is where it’s at, where you can find yourself. What drives you? Is it the rival you want to beat, the time you want to hit or is it because you want to know something about yourself? Something you can only find on hard packed dirt trails, oval tracks 400meters in length or on open roads where the legs whirl with power and hope. Understanding the drive, the urge, the will to be, is part of understanding the essence of the run.
The drive is where it’s at, where you can find yourself. What drives you? Is it the rival you want to beat, the time you want to hit or is it because you want to know something about yourself? Something you can only find on hard packed dirt trails, oval tracks 400meters in length or on open roads where the legs whirl with power and hope. Understanding the drive, the urge, the will to be, is part of understanding the essence of the run.
Borderland Brendan
10/15/11
The Borderland State park sounds like the name of some dramatic setting where there is a violent confrontation on the TV show “Walker Texas Ranger”. In reality it belongs to the town of Sharon, MA and is a popular Cross Country setting for High School Meets. A rocky path rambles around a pond caught in glimpses through trees entwining the perimeter of the body of water. Today Colin, Jen and I race together for the first time in years. A driving of muscles, sinew, ligaments, arms and legs, not at the same pace but certainly an act of stepping together both as an autonomous body’s parts and that of three friends on the path again.
The Borderland State park sounds like the name of some dramatic setting where there is a violent confrontation on the TV show “Walker Texas Ranger”. In reality it belongs to the town of Sharon, MA and is a popular Cross Country setting for High School Meets. A rocky path rambles around a pond caught in glimpses through trees entwining the perimeter of the body of water. Today Colin, Jen and I race together for the first time in years. A driving of muscles, sinew, ligaments, arms and legs, not at the same pace but certainly an act of stepping together both as an autonomous body’s parts and that of three friends on the path again.
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